Plateau

Hellooooooo out there..............

Apologies for the lull. Phew! I know that everyone out there believes that he is insanely busy but dudes.... SERIOUSLY.... I really HAVE been busy!! I won't bore you with the details but let's just say that seven full weeks of trying to tame pre-pubescent school kids, taking care of my own kids and home, becoming a partner in a small business, an exciting trip to Sydney during which I was priveleged enough to be able to sing at my friend's wedding, mourning and then accepting the breakdown of a relationship, coping with a friend's cancer diagnosis, and last but certainly not least, discovering something I really did not want to know about someone I love dearly- has taken its toll to say the least. Life eh? LIFE!!
Needless to say, it has been a battle to keep my cool over the past month or so and I have probably been a pain in the ass to have around the house (sorry James!). Today, however, Queen's birthday public holiday, all five of us set off looking like children of the forest (complete with dreadlocks, two day old food cemented on to the kids' faces, and an interesting assortment of attire) and experienced the breath taking beauty of the local Kondalila National Park. We walked right down to the bottom of the falls and the kids even stripped off to their knickers for a swim in the rock pool. The fact that they wussed out when they discovered just how bloody cold it was is beside the point. The point is that surrounding one's self with loved ones and nature is the best medicine for a tired spirit!
My dear parents are off exploring the delights of Europe for the next 6 weeks and although I will miss them badly, I wish them the most memorable trip and I know they will have a fabulous time.

Time for this snotty little pup to hit the hay.

Night. xx

Amoxycillin, Domestic disputes and Cancer

Well HELLO.

For the past two days I have been dealing with an ear infection. Honestly, I have never known such discomfort. I woke to find blood on my pillow yesterday and a pain pulsating through my left ear drum. Long story short, went to doctor, doctor had never seen anything like it (ha!), got drugs. All good. Or is it? No, not really. The pain has subsided and in its place is nausea, fatigue and bitch-from-hellitis. I am hoping never to get me another ear infection ever again. Poor little Leo, I now understand what he endured for the first year of his life.
Which brings me to the Domestic Disputes section of my sermon. Woah- we sure had one tonight. I told my partner that I hated him in front of the kids. Not a proud moment. I will have some explaining to do in the morning. For now though, I am in the office fuming on my own. Could this kind of inner disharmony cause cancer?
My mother-in-law has had cancer for about 8 years now. I sometimes wonder if it's possible that her inner turmoil played a big role in this. Or is it exclusively genes that are responsible for cancer? Or a combination? Whatever the case, I really feel for her. She does not deserve this suffering, and I wish there were something I could do to save her from it. Even just to find a way of stopping her fatigue, which never leaves her alone. As long as she's holding on, the greater chance there is of someone out there finding a cure for the ghastly disease that has a firm grip on her body right now.
On a brighter note, there are two babies brewing in this family and my best mate from school is due to 'pop' over the next two weeks. Yay! I love babies!!
Apologies for the admittedly dull post but something had to be written, even if you caught me on a bad day.

xoxo

A fortnight in the life...

Oops, seems that I am following the oft traveled path of wannabe bloggers: Start manic, fade out....
However, here I am this fine morning (at 5am it should be noted!), getting back into it. So, how are we all? My new favourite band, Fyfe Dangerfield, is dragging me into life this morning with their happy song, When You Walk In The Room. Little Leo Lion had us up through the night with a fever, bless his cotton socks, and James and I have been dealing with him in shifts. My shift is almost up and I plan to hit the hay for a couple of hours before our weekly journey to the Yandina markets. We are also picking up a couple of new chickens today (RIP Hamburger Blue, your life was too short. Bloody foxes!), as well as visiting Australia Zoo, where Harriet plans to invite the saltwater crocodiles to her birthday party at kindy next week. Do you think they will oblige?
I spent four days last week in Tasmania with some close friends, to celebrate my 30th birthday. Eek! I am a 30-year old mother of THREE, none of whom are babies anymore. Last night I heard myself telling my oldest about "the days" when we lived in Melbourne and he would follow me around like a lost puppy. Was it really all that long ago? Not especially, but it sure feels like it sometimes. And I sure feel like a cliche, too!!
All kids up and champing at the bit now. Time to drag James out of bed...

xx

Dead tree snakes and me

Today was a breakthrough for me folks. Having lived away from nature for so long, it had begun to scare me. Seriously. This is difficult for me to admit because such irrational fear does not bode well with the way in which my ego wants people to perceive me!
A morbid fear of spiders has always been with me, from a very young age but what's with the fear of cane toads? Reptiles? Big things that grow on trees and could potentially fall on my head? I don't know when all of this snuck up on me.

WELL... today, the grand plan of going to the gym fell through when Leo (bless his cotton socks) shat from asshole to breakfast all over his car seat whilst I was driving him to day care. This in itself was not the problem. It was the domino effect of issues that arose from The Shit that caused such grief for me this morning. To start with, I was on a treacherously dangerous road which offers no safe places to stop so although I knew about The Shit (the smell was a giveaway- phwoar!) I knew it would be 5 minutes until I could stop the car for the clean up.

Leo was beside himself with discomfort but it was the respective reactions of the older two that are worthy of mention:

Harriet: Eww muuuuum! What's that muh-SGUS-ting smellllll??
Seb: (Dry retch). Stop mum, there's a spew in my mouth.
Me: (trying to remain calm with no success). LISTEN kids, Leo has just done a sick poo. You're going to have to wait until I can find a safe place to pull over before I can clean it up. For now, block your....

Harriet and Seb in unison: (imagine a scene from The Exorcist in the back seat as two older children vomit all over THEIR seats just to keep me on my fucking toes). BLERRRK, MMBERRRT, BLEEEERK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I found a safe place to stop the car. I took a deep breath (through my mouth), got out and methodically cleaned them all up as best I could. I then turned around and drove home for showers and clean clothes. So the gym was a right off and we were all two hours late for school/kindy/day care.

The POINT being (yes, I am getting there alright?) that I made a decision to go for a run this afternoon in Eudlo. Beautiful! Just breathtakingly divine. I ran 5 kilometres in blissful silence. I ran under the bunya nut tree (have you seen the size of those things? Kill you in a nanosecond, they would!). I ran past three water dragons, a sizeable goanna, a dead tree snake and many, many strange noises from the bushes. And was I scared? Not a cracker! I opened my eyes wide when I reached the rainforest and I felt at peace with nature. The scent was euphoric, the air was cool and moist. Honestly, I felt more alive than I have in the last month. I smiled goofily at the cows and horses (and piglet) as I ran by them and made a decision: I want to stay here.

Now, time to plan menu for tomorrow's dinner party!! Wishing you could all be here.

Mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa xx

Back to Basics

Hi y'all.

Nothing better than a hot day spent around a pool with like-minded individuals. Bliss!
This morning, Harriet, Leo and I set off to Grandpa James' beach house for a day of relaxation. The BOM was predicting a stinker on the coast and I wanted out of this here furnace that we live in! And in all modesty, what a genius idea this turned out to be because it was one of those appallingly hot days where, despite being completely immersed in cool water, one's body still throbs under the sun's relentless rays. Yup, today was a bloody stinker folks.
So there we were; us, Grandpa James, his wonderfully eccentric and bubbly partner, and some relatively new friends from our old stomping ground in Brisbane. The order of the day was as follows:

Arrive
Swim
Eat
Put Leo down for THREE HOUR SLEEP
Reeeeeelax

The only downside to the day was the drive home. For the past week, Leo has insisted on listening to my rendition of Galoomph Went the Little Green Frog, which in hindsight I wish I had never created. I did it on one of those Earth Mother days, when I decided to make an opera of it. The old, simple version now will not do and after a long drive with Leo on board, I now arrive home completely hoarse. I think he is starting to control me. He is not even two years old.

Tomorrow we will spend a morning in the park with some new friends and I am very much looking forward to that.
The only other news to report is that I am officially quitting facebook and will avoid reading or watching the news as much as possible. For the simple reason that in essence, neither brings me great joy. And guess what? Joy rocks!

Love youse.

xx

Can't live with them

Honestly, no one bloody WARNED me about parenting, did they? And all I can say to that is how fucking rude!! Oh no. Instead, friends, family and colleagues had the audacity to shower upon me (and I QUOTE!), the following little pearlers whilst I was pregnant. I have left the absolute hummer til last- what a scream! Here goes:

1) "Darrrrrling, you haven't lived until you've had children" OR (reeeeeally bad cliche) "You'll forget what you did before you had kids"

Ewww, please! I'm pretty certain I was alive before I had kids and despite some worrying memory issues of late, I am even more certain that I had a jolly good time too! And I do remember something about my life pre-kids. What was it now? Oh, that's right. I had sex with my partner more than once a sodding week! We jogged around the botanical gardens together and had casual dinners with friends. Yah, that kind of thing.

2) "Your life will never be the same"

Yeah, I get that one. It totally is definitely not the same (terrible English intended).

3) "Childbirth is liberating"

OK, I am quite an annoying person when it comes to childbirth because I did, in actual fact, enjoy it each time. Pain aside, and yes we all know it's bloody awful, something beautiful took place in my heart (I know, puke! Get me a bucket!) during the process of giving birth. Magic definitely happens. However, you have to be taking the piss to suggest that it's "liberating". No, give me a jumbo jet ticket to Paris any day baby! Sans les enfants.

4) "The more (spawn), the merrier"

Ha. Ha. HA! Sit on it and rotate, los bastidos. Don't GIVE me that shit. OK?

5) "Even getting up in the middle of the night to your crying child is a blessing"

Quite simply, I am lost for words. Oh hold it, no... I have some words. Give me some of those drugs you were taking Jean. I'm not joking, I really need them.

All of that said, this week in Shorncliffe, the town from whose beautiful community we moved only weeks ago, a young boy was killed by a fellow student at the very school we had our boys' names down. I wrote a post about this a couple of days ago but decided to delete it yesterday because it was just too macarbre. All about me and my feelings, would you believe! The desperate sadness of all involved in Monday's incident does not compare to my pathetic depression. I guess I just want to say that although this whole motherhood business gets me down from time to time, for the most part I totally dig my role in this little family of ours. And to think of a life without my children, without their constant banter and moaning, giggling and terrible, coma-inducing screaming. To think of losing them ever, makes me want to crawl into a hole and cover myself with earth. And that, my friends, is the terrible irony of parenthood. Whoever came up with the saying "Can't live with them, can't live without them" was definitely a mother.
And now a few small, light-hearted notes before I go:

• I plan to take a couple of long walks on the beach this weekend in Noosa.

• A mother from school today suggested that we go out one night next week and "be naughty"! We are taking the courtesy bus to our local pub and we are going to get pissed. BRING it.

Love,
Nell xx

Money, money, money!

Pow! I arrived home from the gym today to be informed by my partner that we are in debt. Shit. There's a first time for everything, and this does not feel good. Basically, I need to spend less.
Measures I will be taking from here on in to ensure that we get through this period of ZERO funds include:

Buying no name brands at the supermarket
No more luxurious coffees from Sister
No more clothes for me
No more children's books (library only)
Less meat, more chickpeas
More op-shopping
Sell car, buy bomb
No more Natural Food Store for me!!
Stop using the credit card

Oh, how utterly mundane.
The biggest slap in the face is that we were going to have dinner out tomorrow, at the local French restaurant. James just suggested that we should give this a miss.
DYING inside!
Nah, fuck it. Bring on the challenge!!
Watch and learn people, watch and learrrrrrn.

Bisous xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

She's falling, falling....

There is nothing quite so beautiful as taking the time to sit and watch one's tiny offspring as she falls asleep. It's certainly a process, this sleep business. Harriet and I just arrived home from the local swimming pool, the two of us completely wrung out from playing Mummy Turtle, Baby Turtle. She has only recently learned to swim properly and she fights the water with all her might from the moment she enters the pool until the last desperate struggle to the water's edge at home time. I am never allowed to help her or hold her in the water anymore, for this would make her a failure she reckons. She's out there on her own, arms flailing, twirling and swirling, dipping under and then above the water. My heart is always in the my throat!
We arrived home and ate fruit and sandwiches while she chatted about her busy morning, about ballet dancing, Grandma, Leo Lion, the moon, her friend Rosina's adenoids. You name it, she talked about it at the speed of light. She could talk under water and regrettably, I lose patience with her millions of questions each day. When I have the time, however, I sit incredulously, just listening to this little curly creature before me. I helped create her! She is totally ours!
And now, now my friends she is nuzzled into my thigh. Silent as a Eudlo night. Perfect.
First of all she lay beside me, asking me to pat her. She never does this! I think the teacher might pat her at kindergarten. She tells me: "Mummy, you are Manda. And I am baby Hatty. Pat me gently to sleep Manda. OK?" I turn on the fan and watch its gentle breeze bringing her curls to life on my thigh. She snuggles into her prized "Silky" blanket and methodically finds all the bumpy bits. It's her meditation. She has been to Nirvana with that blanket, I can just see it in her eyes.
Anyway, the lips start to quiver. They have done the same thing since she was a baby. Next go the eyes; up and down, round and round. Lips now rubbing furiously together, eyes matching their speed. Unbelievable to watch it happening before my eyes! It feels almost like an invasion of her space, spying on her at such a private moment. God, she is beautiful.
And then, just as quickly as her eyes and lips had sprung to life, they stop. Her entire body just stops, and I can hear a raspy breath. The only movement is in her fiery hair. She loves the fan on her skin. Just like her mama.
Harriet, I adore you.

Note to self

Girl, you have really got to stop showing off in gym classes. No-one actually cares how amazing/shit you are at lifting weights. They are not even looking at you. So pull your head in, choose a realistic set of weights and maybe next time, you won't pop a shoulder out or sprain an ankle. Hey, maybe you'll even be able to walk the next day! Bloody little show off.

My sordid past life

So I used to have a blog, and I have decided to ditch it for this here blog, which will include neither detailed analysis of my sex life, nor detailed analysis of arguments with my partner (we all know there is no point to them anyway- I am always in the right). Why? Alas, he has requested it be so. Sorry! I know, I know. I enjoyed the juice too but we can't all be complete smut whores and truth be told, becoming a mother has kind of... oh God, I am loathe to say it.... it's brought out the more conservative side in me. I didn't even know it was THERE a few years ago, but shit, it really is guys. There is a responsible, sensible, respectful, no-swearing-around-the-kids mumsiness about me these days that I never in my wildest nightmares believed existed. And so, the natural consequence of this new-found conservativism is that I am also hanging around with a lot of other conservative people. How mortifying then to think of the horror in the faces of my new potential friends after having read my post about The Dripping Cum incident or The Day The Dog Found The Used Condom And Took It Out To The In-Laws. No, it's better this way. It really is.
I really did want to call my blog Two Roads and that is because, since the day I read a love letter addressed to my eldest brother from his ex-girlfriend*, I have been completely smitten with a poem I found scribbled at its conclusion:

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost

I have since that day been in two minds about the poem. I have been both excited at the prospect of where my chosen "road" will lead me and painfully saddened at the idea of never finding out what the other road may have offered. Each of us philosophises about this, I'm sure. And really, we face these two roads every day of our lives. But Frost's words resonate through the fibre of my being and I come back to this poem with all of life's big decisions.
So a little about me before I sign off for the night:

My name is Nell
My family (partner and three delicious children) have recently moved from Brisbane to the Sunshine Coast Hinterland
I am 29 years old (just!)
My two greatest passions are my children and my singing
I am a qualified ESL teacher, back at uni learning to teach primary school kids
My partner is developing his own software company, and working from home
We have three chooks, one of whom is definitely about to die

The purpose of my blog will be to "let off steam", to muse about the art of parenting (its ups and downs), and just to document my journey from this point in time. I would also like to include pictures of my no-dig garden as it progresses from a pile of smelly compost into a fabulous, colourful and (hopefully) edible oasis of lerrrrrrrrrv!!

For now, my precious morsels, I bid you adieu and look forward to our next rendez-vous.

Bisous
xx



*I was not invited to do so- very very naughty!

The trouble with Blog titles...

... is that all the good ones are taken! Evidentally. What I really wanted was either Two Roads or Yellow Brick Road. However, after 10 minutes of good thought, I have reached the very firm conclusion that Sun in Flight is just right!
I was inspired by a poem read aloud by my best mate in high school, Alicia, during a creative writing workshop. Her voice, etched in my memory, was sweet and slightly husky. She spoke in staccato and was a manic kind of girl with crazy dreams. Full of fun, but something of a darkness to her as well that I never understood. She died in 2001, of meningococcal, and I am reminded of her constantly- especially when I hear or read this poem by Dylan Thomas:

Do not go Gentle into that Good Night

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

I know, I know. It's all rather depressing if you want to look at it like that. However, "sun in flight" is a positive phrase I can take from this and a motto that I would like for me and my family to live by. Be the warmth in the sun, and give it wings!

It is time for me to leave my alter ego behind for a day or two whilst I go about my daily chores but I'll be back and I plan to unleash upon you the manic musings of a contented but somewhat frazzled woman, on the cusp of old age. Yes, I will be 30 next month!!

Bisous xx