Can't live with them

Honestly, no one bloody WARNED me about parenting, did they? And all I can say to that is how fucking rude!! Oh no. Instead, friends, family and colleagues had the audacity to shower upon me (and I QUOTE!), the following little pearlers whilst I was pregnant. I have left the absolute hummer til last- what a scream! Here goes:

1) "Darrrrrling, you haven't lived until you've had children" OR (reeeeeally bad cliche) "You'll forget what you did before you had kids"

Ewww, please! I'm pretty certain I was alive before I had kids and despite some worrying memory issues of late, I am even more certain that I had a jolly good time too! And I do remember something about my life pre-kids. What was it now? Oh, that's right. I had sex with my partner more than once a sodding week! We jogged around the botanical gardens together and had casual dinners with friends. Yah, that kind of thing.

2) "Your life will never be the same"

Yeah, I get that one. It totally is definitely not the same (terrible English intended).

3) "Childbirth is liberating"

OK, I am quite an annoying person when it comes to childbirth because I did, in actual fact, enjoy it each time. Pain aside, and yes we all know it's bloody awful, something beautiful took place in my heart (I know, puke! Get me a bucket!) during the process of giving birth. Magic definitely happens. However, you have to be taking the piss to suggest that it's "liberating". No, give me a jumbo jet ticket to Paris any day baby! Sans les enfants.

4) "The more (spawn), the merrier"

Ha. Ha. HA! Sit on it and rotate, los bastidos. Don't GIVE me that shit. OK?

5) "Even getting up in the middle of the night to your crying child is a blessing"

Quite simply, I am lost for words. Oh hold it, no... I have some words. Give me some of those drugs you were taking Jean. I'm not joking, I really need them.

All of that said, this week in Shorncliffe, the town from whose beautiful community we moved only weeks ago, a young boy was killed by a fellow student at the very school we had our boys' names down. I wrote a post about this a couple of days ago but decided to delete it yesterday because it was just too macarbre. All about me and my feelings, would you believe! The desperate sadness of all involved in Monday's incident does not compare to my pathetic depression. I guess I just want to say that although this whole motherhood business gets me down from time to time, for the most part I totally dig my role in this little family of ours. And to think of a life without my children, without their constant banter and moaning, giggling and terrible, coma-inducing screaming. To think of losing them ever, makes me want to crawl into a hole and cover myself with earth. And that, my friends, is the terrible irony of parenthood. Whoever came up with the saying "Can't live with them, can't live without them" was definitely a mother.
And now a few small, light-hearted notes before I go:

• I plan to take a couple of long walks on the beach this weekend in Noosa.

• A mother from school today suggested that we go out one night next week and "be naughty"! We are taking the courtesy bus to our local pub and we are going to get pissed. BRING it.

Love,
Nell xx